The Protocols of the Elders of Management
or
The Manager
Attributed to Niccolo "Old Nick" Machiavelli
As translated from the original tongue
Apprentice Thomas
I. origins of finding the manuscript
This manuscript was found at Cunningham Library at Indiana State University while doing research for a paper on certain aspects of political science as taught at the University of Chicago during the mid twentieth century. Realizing the importance of my discovery, over several days I was able to remove the whole folio, page by page, from the library. It is written on 21 sheets measuring approximately 8 ½ inches by 11 inches on yellowed parchment of an unknown age.
The language is a Medieval Northern Italianate dialect. Based on the uncial script, the origin of the manuscript is possibly from Northern Italy or southern Switzerland. With much difficulty, I was able to translate this text over several weeks, from May 3 to June 22.
This work is attributed to Machiavelli due to the similar linguistic style and his know predilections. I have taken great pains to renumber the paragraphs as there was a minor discrepancy in the numbering system.
Typical of Machiavelli is the blatant statements that, in truth, should never be spoken, let alone written for the masses to read. Due to its short length, I speculate it was written before The Prince.
It is well known that all of his writings were dedicated to various patrons. More accurately, I should state potential patrons, as Machiavelli was frequently, as we say today, “between jobs.“ As there is no dedication, it is probable that he wrote this for his own mischievous and perverted enjoyment.
Judging by the powerful insights of this work, Machiavelli was exceedingly familiar with these management tactics and, undoubtedly, applied them in his professional life.
Also of note is that there are thirty three protocols. As the text could have been divided into any number, I strongly suspect that Machiavelli had either Masonic, Occult or Cabalistic ties or, not surprisingly, all three.
The language is a Medieval Northern Italianate dialect. Based on the uncial script, the origin of the manuscript is possibly from Northern Italy or southern Switzerland. With much difficulty, I was able to translate this text over several weeks, from May 3 to June 22.
This work is attributed to Machiavelli due to the similar linguistic style and his know predilections. I have taken great pains to renumber the paragraphs as there was a minor discrepancy in the numbering system.
Typical of Machiavelli is the blatant statements that, in truth, should never be spoken, let alone written for the masses to read. Due to its short length, I speculate it was written before The Prince.
It is well known that all of his writings were dedicated to various patrons. More accurately, I should state potential patrons, as Machiavelli was frequently, as we say today, “between jobs.“ As there is no dedication, it is probable that he wrote this for his own mischievous and perverted enjoyment.
Judging by the powerful insights of this work, Machiavelli was exceedingly familiar with these management tactics and, undoubtedly, applied them in his professional life.
Also of note is that there are thirty three protocols. As the text could have been divided into any number, I strongly suspect that Machiavelli had either Masonic, Occult or Cabalistic ties or, not surprisingly, all three.
II. the translated text of the document
1. The three most important things to accomplish are job security, customer satisfaction and company expectations. These are always in flux depending on your needs. In the event that the company does become insolvent, you can always apply your superior management skills and experience for another employer.
2. The customer is the most unpredictable of the three. It is best to avoid direct involvement with them at all costs. Staying in the office for hours on end is the safest route. If this fails, standing at a safe distance from customers and directing subordinates gives the impression of control and power. Socializing on company time can be explained to subordinates and super ordinates as engaging customers.
3. Always test super ordinates and subordinates. Testing will determine if they are capable and aware. As Saint Paul says, we should test all things. If they are too capable, they can be promoted over you and if they are too aware, they can be dangerous to your goals.
4. Super ordinates are afraid of loosing their position and subordinates are wanting your position.
5. Never argue. Always make a statement of fact that some unaccountable defined group wants something to be accomplished, i.e. the company or the customers. Therefore, this is beyond your control.
6. Insure is there drama between coworkers so they will never become organized to oppose management or discover they have common and justified complaints. If there is not enough gossip or ill will, do not hesitate to bring a coworker into your office and explain the situation of another employee on the grounds of confidentiality. No doubt this information will spread throughout the department. If found out and confronted, state that you thought the person was trustworthy and now you know better. The name of the untrustworthy person will spread throughout the department creating more ill will.
7. Always give poor references. This keeps the bad employees and the good employees. The bad employees need your superior managerial skills and the good employees can be current or potential allies. If the good employees become bad employees through frustration, your superior managerial skills will be in constant demand. This is job security.
8. Never blame subordinates or super ordinates. State that their efforts are well intentioned. In the case of super ordinates, they have more urgent matters. Concerning subordinates, they are not well trained.
9. Do not be timid in reminding your subordinates of the number of hours that you work for the company.
10. Do not be afraid to motivate your employees to do illegal actions, i.e. working for free, for the good of the company. If they implicate you, deny, truthfully, that you ever told them to do this.
11. Keep your subordinates focused on meaningless tasks so they do not have the time or the inclination to discover your motives.
12. In the unfortunate event you have lost credibility with your subordinates, refer to your superior or his superior as the authority. If this happens, avoid blaming others for your shortcomings.
13. If operations are going smoothly, you may want to issue a new directive that will cause confusion. If the new directive is not implemented correctly or in a timely fashion, insure everyone in the department is aware of it. This will cause chaos, it is true, but you created this chaos and can control it to a large extent. Then you can explain to your super ordinate how your superior managerial skills once again has been put to good use.
14. Do not lie. There is always the chance, however slight, that someone may be aware of the inconsistencies in your fabricated stories.
15. Do not do superior work or inferior work. Do as the poet says, “ You are safest in the middle course.” If you do superior work, your superior will fear for his job. If you do inferior work, you will be replaced by a subordinate who will do the work for less pay
16. Insure that your employees are not capable of doing superior work. This is easiest accomplished by not giving all the facts needed to do the job correctly. You can explain to your superior how you are needed to accomplish the goal of better production and, with time and determination, this can be accomplished. Since business needs are in a state of constant change, the chance that your superior will inquire of conversations from previous weeks or months is so remote that if this happens, state they you delegated it to one of your trusted subordinates. The implication is that the “trusted” employee accomplished the goal.
17. Always be on the lookout for aware individuals to promote. It is true that they will be after your position, but as it is said, ”Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
18. As the poet says, “Be on good terms with all people.” By being in their confidence, they will impart important information that you can use against them or other employees.
19. As the poet says, “Amid the noise and haste, remember what peace there is in silence.” Keep the office door closed.
20. To paraphrase Saint Paul, be all things to all people so that none can come to the SECRET truth of management. That SECRET truth is that managers…[the manuscript has been damaged at this point].
21. Do not hesitate to brag of your accomplishments that can not be verified.
22. No one wants to hear your philosophy. Instead use the phrase, “A great manager once said…” It will be treated as dogma by those who hear it. You will know your efforts have been successful when others start using this phrasing.
23. While knowing as much as possible about your subordinates, insure that you only speak in vague terms about your past and present. Never speak about your goals and aspirations, especially if they are work related. This will give the false impression that you are very serious about your job.
24. A great manager one said, “Sometimes it runs better with one less person.” Be ruthless in promoting that individual so the organization will be more chaotic and, therefore, need your superior management skills.
25. Like everyone. Concerning the people that do not like you, Saint Paul said it” heaps coals on their head.” This will keep opinions divided concerning your character.
26. Always maintain that your coworkers possess honesty and integrity. Publicly and loudly feign disbelief at any discovery of wrong doing. This will ingratiate you with both subordinates and super ordinates.
27. Make efforts to befriend shy and quiet coworkers. They will be your best allies in future conflicts with other coworkers as you took your precious time to get to know them. Remember the saying, “Watch out for the quiet ones.”
28. Constant denial works wonders. If you deny the sky is blue long enough, some coworkers will question it themselves, although not openly. Constantly practice this skill so that in the unfortunate instance you are caught in the act of illegal or immoral behavior, your emphatic denials will seem genuine or sincere.
29. Always walk briskly, as with a purpose. This will give the false impression that you are in a hurry to accomplish important work for the company. People will be less inclined to engage you with questions or comments if they believe you have higher priorities.
30. Current allies or potential allies will naturally break into separate camps. The two ways to influence coworkers is through sympathy or respect. One type will “feel sorry” for you and your circumstances. These are the emotional ones. The other type will respect your great management ability, leadership skills and breadth of knowledge. These are the pseudo intellectuals. Both groups will be instrumental in your promotion from success to success.
31. Current allies or potential allies are not permanent allies. Permanent allies are called friends and they are not found at your job, but away from it. If they no longer serve your purpose, they are not your allies. Their status as current allies or potential allies can fluctuate from day to day or hour to hour as your needs change.
32. Hire people that can do the job. If this fails, hire people who are attractive. If they are neither capable nor attractive, hire people that have good stories to tell. If they have good stories about themselves, they will have stories about their coworkers, hopefully creating ill will. If they possess none of these three traits, do not hire them.
33. There is a mistaken belief in this modern age that customers are important. Upon reflection, one will notice that there are a handful of managers. Perhaps ten times as many workers as managers. And thousands of actual customers. And tens of thousands of potential customers. This absurd belief is akin to stating that the current subjects of the kingdom and potential subjects are more important, more special and more powerful than the King who rules them. Clearly, this has never been, is not now, nor can it ever be, true.
2. The customer is the most unpredictable of the three. It is best to avoid direct involvement with them at all costs. Staying in the office for hours on end is the safest route. If this fails, standing at a safe distance from customers and directing subordinates gives the impression of control and power. Socializing on company time can be explained to subordinates and super ordinates as engaging customers.
3. Always test super ordinates and subordinates. Testing will determine if they are capable and aware. As Saint Paul says, we should test all things. If they are too capable, they can be promoted over you and if they are too aware, they can be dangerous to your goals.
4. Super ordinates are afraid of loosing their position and subordinates are wanting your position.
5. Never argue. Always make a statement of fact that some unaccountable defined group wants something to be accomplished, i.e. the company or the customers. Therefore, this is beyond your control.
6. Insure is there drama between coworkers so they will never become organized to oppose management or discover they have common and justified complaints. If there is not enough gossip or ill will, do not hesitate to bring a coworker into your office and explain the situation of another employee on the grounds of confidentiality. No doubt this information will spread throughout the department. If found out and confronted, state that you thought the person was trustworthy and now you know better. The name of the untrustworthy person will spread throughout the department creating more ill will.
7. Always give poor references. This keeps the bad employees and the good employees. The bad employees need your superior managerial skills and the good employees can be current or potential allies. If the good employees become bad employees through frustration, your superior managerial skills will be in constant demand. This is job security.
8. Never blame subordinates or super ordinates. State that their efforts are well intentioned. In the case of super ordinates, they have more urgent matters. Concerning subordinates, they are not well trained.
9. Do not be timid in reminding your subordinates of the number of hours that you work for the company.
10. Do not be afraid to motivate your employees to do illegal actions, i.e. working for free, for the good of the company. If they implicate you, deny, truthfully, that you ever told them to do this.
11. Keep your subordinates focused on meaningless tasks so they do not have the time or the inclination to discover your motives.
12. In the unfortunate event you have lost credibility with your subordinates, refer to your superior or his superior as the authority. If this happens, avoid blaming others for your shortcomings.
13. If operations are going smoothly, you may want to issue a new directive that will cause confusion. If the new directive is not implemented correctly or in a timely fashion, insure everyone in the department is aware of it. This will cause chaos, it is true, but you created this chaos and can control it to a large extent. Then you can explain to your super ordinate how your superior managerial skills once again has been put to good use.
14. Do not lie. There is always the chance, however slight, that someone may be aware of the inconsistencies in your fabricated stories.
15. Do not do superior work or inferior work. Do as the poet says, “ You are safest in the middle course.” If you do superior work, your superior will fear for his job. If you do inferior work, you will be replaced by a subordinate who will do the work for less pay
16. Insure that your employees are not capable of doing superior work. This is easiest accomplished by not giving all the facts needed to do the job correctly. You can explain to your superior how you are needed to accomplish the goal of better production and, with time and determination, this can be accomplished. Since business needs are in a state of constant change, the chance that your superior will inquire of conversations from previous weeks or months is so remote that if this happens, state they you delegated it to one of your trusted subordinates. The implication is that the “trusted” employee accomplished the goal.
17. Always be on the lookout for aware individuals to promote. It is true that they will be after your position, but as it is said, ”Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
18. As the poet says, “Be on good terms with all people.” By being in their confidence, they will impart important information that you can use against them or other employees.
19. As the poet says, “Amid the noise and haste, remember what peace there is in silence.” Keep the office door closed.
20. To paraphrase Saint Paul, be all things to all people so that none can come to the SECRET truth of management. That SECRET truth is that managers…[the manuscript has been damaged at this point].
21. Do not hesitate to brag of your accomplishments that can not be verified.
22. No one wants to hear your philosophy. Instead use the phrase, “A great manager once said…” It will be treated as dogma by those who hear it. You will know your efforts have been successful when others start using this phrasing.
23. While knowing as much as possible about your subordinates, insure that you only speak in vague terms about your past and present. Never speak about your goals and aspirations, especially if they are work related. This will give the false impression that you are very serious about your job.
24. A great manager one said, “Sometimes it runs better with one less person.” Be ruthless in promoting that individual so the organization will be more chaotic and, therefore, need your superior management skills.
25. Like everyone. Concerning the people that do not like you, Saint Paul said it” heaps coals on their head.” This will keep opinions divided concerning your character.
26. Always maintain that your coworkers possess honesty and integrity. Publicly and loudly feign disbelief at any discovery of wrong doing. This will ingratiate you with both subordinates and super ordinates.
27. Make efforts to befriend shy and quiet coworkers. They will be your best allies in future conflicts with other coworkers as you took your precious time to get to know them. Remember the saying, “Watch out for the quiet ones.”
28. Constant denial works wonders. If you deny the sky is blue long enough, some coworkers will question it themselves, although not openly. Constantly practice this skill so that in the unfortunate instance you are caught in the act of illegal or immoral behavior, your emphatic denials will seem genuine or sincere.
29. Always walk briskly, as with a purpose. This will give the false impression that you are in a hurry to accomplish important work for the company. People will be less inclined to engage you with questions or comments if they believe you have higher priorities.
30. Current allies or potential allies will naturally break into separate camps. The two ways to influence coworkers is through sympathy or respect. One type will “feel sorry” for you and your circumstances. These are the emotional ones. The other type will respect your great management ability, leadership skills and breadth of knowledge. These are the pseudo intellectuals. Both groups will be instrumental in your promotion from success to success.
31. Current allies or potential allies are not permanent allies. Permanent allies are called friends and they are not found at your job, but away from it. If they no longer serve your purpose, they are not your allies. Their status as current allies or potential allies can fluctuate from day to day or hour to hour as your needs change.
32. Hire people that can do the job. If this fails, hire people who are attractive. If they are neither capable nor attractive, hire people that have good stories to tell. If they have good stories about themselves, they will have stories about their coworkers, hopefully creating ill will. If they possess none of these three traits, do not hire them.
33. There is a mistaken belief in this modern age that customers are important. Upon reflection, one will notice that there are a handful of managers. Perhaps ten times as many workers as managers. And thousands of actual customers. And tens of thousands of potential customers. This absurd belief is akin to stating that the current subjects of the kingdom and potential subjects are more important, more special and more powerful than the King who rules them. Clearly, this has never been, is not now, nor can it ever be, true.
III. Commentary, Addendum, and errata
Due to Machiavelli’s forthright style, there is little to leave to the imagination and even less to actually comment upon.
I do not believe that anything can be added to this definitely detestable, debased and possibly worthless work.
As I translated this myself, I am certain that there are no errors either in the translation of the proofing of the text.
I do not believe that anything can be added to this definitely detestable, debased and possibly worthless work.
As I translated this myself, I am certain that there are no errors either in the translation of the proofing of the text.