A Pathetic Dialogue
May 21, 2015
G.D.O'Bradovich III
1
One of the lesser known aspects of desiring an Occult Apprenticeship is the written application. The review process make take several weeks. Recently, Candidate Nemo applied to become a novice Occultist under the tutelage of Yours Truly. The following dialogue is my recollection of our last meeting.
“Candidate Nemo, I’m pleased to tell you that we’ve reviewed your application and we are impressed. Your Iowa tests are intimidating.”
“I’m glad to hear that your are interested in my application and I look forward to studying under an esteemed Master of the Occult.”
“Yes. Yes, I am, too. This interview is only a formality, so please feel at ease.”
“Thank you. There is a lot of pressure to do well as I'm sure that you receive a lot of inquiries."
“Yes, I do. Oh, lest I forget, there is one small procedure left to perform.”
“Oh.”
“Once again, it is just a formality and innocuous. I almost forgot about it.”
I learned back in my black executive chair and opened a desk drawer.
“We will need a small sample your blood.”, I said as I pulled a syringe from the drawer.
“This belonged to my Master and his Master before him. We will be testing your blood for the Chickenpox virus”,
I continued, ” We can’t be too careful in the modern age, if you know what I mean.”
“Candidate Nemo, I’m pleased to tell you that we’ve reviewed your application and we are impressed. Your Iowa tests are intimidating.”
“I’m glad to hear that your are interested in my application and I look forward to studying under an esteemed Master of the Occult.”
“Yes. Yes, I am, too. This interview is only a formality, so please feel at ease.”
“Thank you. There is a lot of pressure to do well as I'm sure that you receive a lot of inquiries."
“Yes, I do. Oh, lest I forget, there is one small procedure left to perform.”
“Oh.”
“Once again, it is just a formality and innocuous. I almost forgot about it.”
I learned back in my black executive chair and opened a desk drawer.
“We will need a small sample your blood.”, I said as I pulled a syringe from the drawer.
“This belonged to my Master and his Master before him. We will be testing your blood for the Chickenpox virus”,
I continued, ” We can’t be too careful in the modern age, if you know what I mean.”
“Umm...I’m not sure what you mean and I don’t have the Chickenpox Virus.”
"I'll make that determination”, I said briskly as I eagerly arose.
“I had Chickenpox as a child, so I don’t have it now.”
“Oh, you have been exposed to the Chickenpox Virus? That is disappointing.”, as my voice trailed off.
“Well, yes. Hasn’t everyone had Chickenpox?”
“I ask the questions. So you will test positive for the Chickenpox Virus?”
“Uh..no, when I was exposed to the Chickenpox Virus my body created antibodies and I’m Chickenpox Virus free.”
“So you will test positive for the Chickenpox antibodies?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re a carrier for Chickenpox then? That is unfortunate...”
“No, I don’t have Chickenpox”, candidate Nemo continued, “one either has the Chickenpox virus or the Chickenpox antibody. You can’t have both, because the antibodies destroy the virus. And I’m not a Chickenpox carrier because I don’t have the Chickenpox virus, although I have the chickenpox antibodies.”
After a pause, candidate Nemo continued,” Besides, it would be cost prohibitive to determine the presence of the Chickenpox virus in a blood sample. Electron microscopes are expensive to use and it would be vastly cheaper to test for the presence of the Chickenpox antibody.”
“Ok”, I responded wearily, “I’ll test for the presence of the Chickenpox antibody.”
“But, I've already said I was exposed to the Chickenpox virus as a kid and I don't have Chickenpox now and I’m not a carrier.”
“I don’t think you realize”, I continued indignantly, “how easy the Chickenpox virus is to transfer to uninfected people.”
“Master, I know the Chickenpox Virus is highly contagious. But that alone is not enough to justify a blood test. I can assure you that Chickenpox is not fatal and that once someone is exposed to the Chickenpox virus, the body will create antibodies and destroy the virus. And once the Chickenpox antibodies are created, one is immune and cannot be reinfected. The Chickenpox virus exposure is like Purdue in the NCAA basketball tournament: One and done.”
“What an interesting allegory, Candidate Nemo.”
“Uhm...Master, it was an analogy, not an allegory.”
“Igor, would you kindly escort Candidate Nemo to the door."
"I'll make that determination”, I said briskly as I eagerly arose.
“I had Chickenpox as a child, so I don’t have it now.”
“Oh, you have been exposed to the Chickenpox Virus? That is disappointing.”, as my voice trailed off.
“Well, yes. Hasn’t everyone had Chickenpox?”
“I ask the questions. So you will test positive for the Chickenpox Virus?”
“Uh..no, when I was exposed to the Chickenpox Virus my body created antibodies and I’m Chickenpox Virus free.”
“So you will test positive for the Chickenpox antibodies?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re a carrier for Chickenpox then? That is unfortunate...”
“No, I don’t have Chickenpox”, candidate Nemo continued, “one either has the Chickenpox virus or the Chickenpox antibody. You can’t have both, because the antibodies destroy the virus. And I’m not a Chickenpox carrier because I don’t have the Chickenpox virus, although I have the chickenpox antibodies.”
After a pause, candidate Nemo continued,” Besides, it would be cost prohibitive to determine the presence of the Chickenpox virus in a blood sample. Electron microscopes are expensive to use and it would be vastly cheaper to test for the presence of the Chickenpox antibody.”
“Ok”, I responded wearily, “I’ll test for the presence of the Chickenpox antibody.”
“But, I've already said I was exposed to the Chickenpox virus as a kid and I don't have Chickenpox now and I’m not a carrier.”
“I don’t think you realize”, I continued indignantly, “how easy the Chickenpox virus is to transfer to uninfected people.”
“Master, I know the Chickenpox Virus is highly contagious. But that alone is not enough to justify a blood test. I can assure you that Chickenpox is not fatal and that once someone is exposed to the Chickenpox virus, the body will create antibodies and destroy the virus. And once the Chickenpox antibodies are created, one is immune and cannot be reinfected. The Chickenpox virus exposure is like Purdue in the NCAA basketball tournament: One and done.”
“What an interesting allegory, Candidate Nemo.”
“Uhm...Master, it was an analogy, not an allegory.”
“Igor, would you kindly escort Candidate Nemo to the door."