There has been no asking "Why?" five times to get to the facts. I was the last link in whatever chain of events and, therefore, culpable.
It was a joke, when I was responsible for too much talking in my department at Columbia House, and had to be moved next to the supervisor's cubicle. I played the scapegoat too many times there and in my personal life. "Nothing has causes" as I later learned in Atlas Shrugged.
The scapegoat was left holding the bag and responsible for the chain of events that preceded his appearance.
Does astrology work? Does it work on the subconscious level? Do strangers know that I have the attributes of a Capricorn? That I will endure to the end? That situations and responsibilities can be piled on me ad infinitum and I will just get through these obstacles?
If my motto has unofficially been "I will endure to the end", so I have.
But the mindset of that it is my fault, all my fault has ceased.
I will endure pain, conflict, reversal of fortune as a Capricorn must, but I will no longer allow myself the luxury of being the last in a long chain of stupid, precarious, irresponsible and fateful events without pointing my finger to the preceding people that passed on their mistake on to me.
For IF I am responsible for the bad, and have no contribution to any good, then I have no free will to alter the situation. I am stuck in an unalterable situation (life) that is my fault, but no one else.
With ten thousands of interactions, thousands of half truths and hundreds of lies in an existence spanning over 40 years, I will not, can not, continue without rectifying the falsehoods that have attached to my person.
Full Disclosure-This rant, which had no cause, was written sober. I have included this post script in the unlikely case that certain people would disparage my intentions and, yet again, point to me as a scapegoat, the continual harbinger my own undoing. Likeof an ill omen.